Wednesday, January 1, 2014

We've Got a Pulse

The last few days I've been thinking a lot about my life. Mostly because I've been a little concerned that I've lost my "zeal" for life. Not talking about depression or anything, but just kind of going through the motions of life without truly enjoying it or making the most out of my days. I find myself spending way too many nights and weekends hanging out at my house alone instead of pushing myself to be social and develop genuine friendships.

It's been almost two years now since I moved back to St. George and although a lot of really amazing things have happened to me since moving back to my hometown (lots of family time, buying my first home, adopting my 2 cats and puppy - just to name a few) I still find myself questioning that decision. To be honest, I miss my life in LA a lot more that I thought I would. Let me clarify that last statement. I miss my friends so much!! Even when my work schedule was horrible I had such good friends out there to help me deal with all the craziness. I miss being surrounded by other young professionals. I didn't realize how much of an impact that had on my life until I moved away from it. I miss feeling like there were so many possibilities ahead of me. I miss adults that realize people my age aren't actually children that need to be chaperoned/micro-managed. I miss meeting good guys I actually find attractive. I miss people who know what CPA means and what it takes to get it.

Don't get me wrong, it's easy to focus on all the positive sides of LA when I compare my life then and now. And I realize how lucky I am to have found what really is my dream job so early in my career. I think it's just the fact that so much of my life is already laid out for me at such a young age. Maybe it's just boredom. Maybe I just need to make big life changes every two years. Maybe the terrible fever I had yesterday messed with my head. Who knows. Those are just some of the thoughts that have been running through my head the last couple of days.

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I did get some reassurance that I made the right decision to move back to St. George earlier today. This afternoon I listened to a voicemail telling me my Dad had a heart attack at work and was taken in an ambulance to the ER. Anyone who knows me well will know that my instant reaction was to start sobbing before the message was even over. Needless to say it's been a LONG day. After spending hours in the ER having so many tests run we didn't really learn anything except the fact that we know nothing. Sound confusing? Well basically after looking at all the test results the doctor wasn't sure what caused today's event or even if it really was a heart attack. What we do know is that when he went down (as he was getting back to work after his lunch break) he had no pulse for 10 minutes while his coworkers did CPR to try to revive him. Thankfully after those 10 minutes, they were able to get a pulse right as the ambulance was getting there. So, something happened.... we just have no idea what. After all the tests in the ER he was admitted to the hospital where they're talking about keeping him for a week or so to run a bunch more tests and try to figure out what's going on with him and how to prevent this from happening again. The only other thing we really know is that during CPR they broke a few of his ribs, but all the doctors said that if they were doing CPR correctly that was bound to happen. I mean, he is a pretty big guy so I'm sure giving him CPR was no easy task. It's crazy though, because if you saw him you would never think he was essentially dead for 10 minutes today. He looks too good.

Needless to say, although it wasn't the way I was expecting 2013 to end, I'm just really grateful my Dad is still here. It's a lot easier to heal a few broken ribs than the alternative. I'm grateful to live here and be able to be there when stuff like this happens. Being close to family was a big reason I wanted to move back to St. George and in an extreme way today was a reminder of that.

Here's to hoping 2014 turns out be be a year of health and happiness for me and my family. HAPPY NEW YEAR!