Friday, April 22, 2016

I forgot to mention

*I can't believe I didn't mention this yesterday, but I was just so focused on not forgetting the pancake hug dream.

Two nights ago I got home from work (and solo dining at my favorite restaurant in Flower Mound) and I was EXHAUSTED. I think it was a combination of getting back into my normal work/life routine after a week away mixed with trying to get over being sick, two days of tax training, and not getting enough sleep (like ever). Well that night I switched into my night dress (yes a night dress, they are so comfortable and I'm part grandma) as soon as I walked in the door and started to watch TV. Within 30 minutes of watching I noticed I kept drifting off so finally I decided to do something so uncharacteristic of me that I surprised myself - I went to bed early.

Like REALLY early.

As in, 7:30pm early. 

For any parent out there reading this who thinks that may not seem like a crazy time, keep in mind I am a single night owl. I consider myself good if I get to bed sometime between midnight and 1am (like I normally do - although last night I didn't go to bed till 3am, but that's another deal).


The point is I went to bed crazy early, only woke up once or twice for a few minutes, and then I slept until around 8am the next day. THAT'S RIGHT, over 12 hours of sleep.

It was amazing!

The End.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Pancake Hugs

It’s been a while since I’ve had a dream with my dad in it. A few weeks ago I was thinking about this and just kind of put it out there in the universe that I wouldn’t mind having another one.

Well, last night I had it.

After I woke up and starting thing about it I was able to pick out a few more details to put it in context. I believe we were standing in the kitchen of the house I grew up in on Bloomington Drive in St. George. The kitchen was a little different than I remember (definitely bigger to be able to comfortably fit everyone that was there) and a bit nicer, but when I started thinking about it, the kitchen in the dream was laid out the same way as that kitchen in Bloomington. Anyways, I was standing near the door that goes out to the garage and by the stove, my dad was at the stove making a giant pancake (even though we typically made pancakes on the griddle), and my mom and sister (I think just one of them) were at the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen. My sister was sitting on the counter and my mom was standing next to her just talking. In the dream my dad was turned just talking to me and he moved over to get something out of the fridge (while still facing me). I remember thinking in the dream that it was weird he was only talking to me and that my mom and sister weren’t paying him any attention. It was in that moment in the dream that I remembered he was dead (this theme always seems to play out in the dreams I have of him. At some point I’m reminded that either he’s sick or that he’s dead) and that I must be the only one that can see him. After I made that realization in the dream I instantly walked up to him, threw my arms around his big tummy, and just stood there hugging him (another recurring part of my dreams). And that’s how the dream ended – just standing in the kitchen hugging my dad.

Like he always does in my dreams, he looked really good and happy. He was no longer the sick, old, cancer-ridden man he was at the end of his life. He looked a few decades younger but still had the big belly that made a great pillow to lay on or fun floating device in the pool.

I love having dreams with him in them. But it’s also a little sad at the same time. They just feel so real. Like he’s not actually gone. Maybe that’s why I am always reminded in the dreams that he is, so that I can make that connection and just enjoy whatever time I get with him.

Sad or not, I’m really glad I was able to see him last night and get one more hug.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

TV Time

Ok, I caved. Let’s talk TV. I miss talking with my usual people about the TV shows we watch, so I guess writing down my own commentary will have to suffice. 

Now, as a disclaimer, as I go through the various shows I watch, I want you to remember a few things before you judge too harshly how I spend (aka waste) my time. #1: I am completely single, which means I have no one who depends on me and requires my time. So, if I want to watch 4+ hours of TV after work I can without ignoring someone who needs me. #2: I almost never actually just sit there and watch TV. I am a constant multi-tasker with restless hands so I have to keep them busy either playing on my iPad, eating dinner, folding clothes, washing dishes, or something else along those lines. So I’m not just literally sitting on the couch just staring at the TV all night. It’s on while I’m doing other stuff. Which sometimes means I have to rewind important parts I wasn’t paying enough attention to, but it works. #3: I love sleeping, but I hate going to bed. So I tend to procrastinate going to bed at night and a great way to do that is by watching another episode of something. And then another. And then another. And voilĂ  a whole season has been caught up on. #4: I enjoy it. I find TV interesting and relaxing and it takes less effort than reading. J

So, although I don’t actually think I have to justify my TV time, I just did. :P

Now, on to the good stuff….

*Parks and Recreation: I tried watching this on Netflix a few years ago and just couldn’t get into it. I didn’t understand what all the hype was about. I didn’t find the characters charming or funny at all. I just didn’t get it. BUT, recently I decided to give it another shot AND I LOVE IT. Admittedly the first season wasn’t that great. But, now that I’ve stuck with it a few season, I love this show. It makes me laugh pretty hard. I love Ron Swanson and Andy, of course. Ron with the shaved mustache was quite possibly the creepiest thing ever. I just love Andy. And all I can say is Leslie and Ben forever (although there’s still a number of seasons to go, so I’m kind of anticipating they won’t last which is super tragic. Nobody tell me what happens with them please!) 

*The Family: Oh my gosh… this show is SO GOOD! Every week you’re just sitting there guessing about what the truth is and who did what. It’s the craziest thing. You trust one of the characters for a little bit and then all the sudden you’re blaming them for everything. And this past episode left on such an intense note, I can’t wait to see what happens next week!

*The Catch: It is a little weird seeing “Adam Braverman” in this role, but I really like this show so far. I keep finding myself wanting to be an 80s/Twiggy-inspired, red head like the main character. It’ll be interesting to see if they can continue the intrigue of the first few episodes throughout the rest of the season.

*Broad City: Now, I must confess… this is a show that for most people I would not recommend. Mostly because it is kind of filthy. And trashy. It airs on Comedy Central and has everything you’d expect from a Comedy Central show – lots of swearing, drug use, and sex. No nudity or anything like that, but even the very first scene is racy once you realize what’s going on. But all that being said, I love this show. Mostly because I really enjoy watching shows of people who live completely differently than I do – which this show is to a T. The main characters are crazy and weird and very New York to me. I love it. But again, not for the prudish or those trying to not watch trashy shows. Haha which technically I am both, but clearly I make an exception for this show.

*The People vs. OJ Simpson: Ahhh this show is so frustrating! It’s beyond ridiculous to see how much evidence they had against OJ – legit, fact based, evidence – and he was acquitted. It blows my mind. His defense team was deplorable. They completely bs’d their entire case and showed exactly what’s wrong with our legal system. The defense did nothing to combat the proof that was had against OJ, but rather it was all about shifting the focus and making the case into something it wasn’t. Ugh, so annoying!! But, the show itself is really good. And I feel for Marcia Clark. She is the epitome of a women trying to make it in a man’s world. And the different attacks on her just show why it can be so much harder for women to succeed in their careers. It pisses me off. But again, I highly recommend this show. The only thing I'm left wondering about is what OJ and Nicole's 2 kids think of what happened. And what kind of relationship do they have with their father/the man who killed their mom. It would be interesting to hear from them, but (obviously) I completely understand why they aren't in the spotlight. I wouldn't want to relive what actually happened to their mom over and over again if I were them either. 

*The Real Housewives of Potomac: These women are crazy. I’m not sure that needs to be said as it is a general characteristic of most women on these shows, but they definitely have their own brand of crazy. Who are they trying to impress with all these bogus manners they seem obsessed with?! Relax ladies. You may live in a nice area in Maryland, but you’re not royalty. My biggest irritation with this group of ladies is their obsession with race. They constantly get after the girls who are biracial and essentially making them choose which race they are. Obviously they’re more than one – why the freak would they have to pick one and ignore the other. It really irritates me that Gizelle and Robyn are constantly getting after Katie for “not being black enough” when they are the ones with bleached blonde hair. They realize that’s not a natural hair color for African American’s right? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any issues with whatever hair color they want (I also am a fake blonde), but it just seems to add another layer to their hypocrisy. Now Karen. I can’t with her. She is so high and mighty it’s insane! I think my favorite is how pissed off she got at Ashley’s beach house when Ashley’s husband showed up because she was uncomfortable with him seeing her in her skimpy night-ware. Haha Have you seen his wife? I think you’re safe from being ogled Ursula, I mean Karen. And the best part is when Karen and her husband confronted Ashley and Michael about this situation she was in a short skirt and super tight top. What was she planning to walk around the beach house in? Something sheer? That’s about the only thing that could be more scandalous than anything else she wears. So, like I said initially, these women are crazy. Which is exactly why I watch this show. Too soon to pick a favorite.

*The Real Housewives of Atlanta: These women are just straight up mean and two faced. As they would say, they are throwing shade all day! Obviously Kandi is my favorite. She seems the most normal and chemically balanced even though she’s been famous for decades and has had crazy stuff happen in her life. I also love Sheree, because she says some funny stuff. Porsha is the worst. She is so bitter about her sister having a baby and still comes off as a boy-crazy teenager throwing her body at any guy who looks her way. Don’t hate me, but I do kind of like Kenya. I know, I know. Her big mouth says some dumb stuff some times and she doesn’t handle situations well, but I do think she is a decent person. And I really like her and her bf Matt. I think he’s good for her. He seems to mellow her out a bit. Nene’s big head needs to deflate. Phaedra. Phaedra. Phaedra. She says some funny stuff sometimes (like her animal roar butt roll thing at the beach) but it’s only when she’s not pretending to be so fancy. I really wanted to like Kim, but I just didn’t. At all. She’s just not right for this show. I’m also not a big Cynthia fan. I want to like her because she does seem like a nice person, but I just don’t. Plus I just feel like she needs to take a break from the show and deal with the very apparent issues in her marriage. Right now I’m totally bummed because I missed the last two reunion episodes because they aren’t streaming online and I no longer have cable. It totally sucks, but maybe they’ll be on Hulu in like two years and I can watch it then. :P

*The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Half these women I love. Half I can’t stand. Can you guess who falls on which side? Haha Who I like: Erika, Eileen, and Yolanda. Who I don’t like: Lisa V, Lisa R, Kyle, & Kathryn. I like Erika, Eileen and Yolanda because they seem the most real. They aren’t afraid to call people out on their crap, don’t hesitate to stand up for themselves (typically), and don’t care to suck up to other people on the cast. And of course, Erika is crazy, but she’s awesome. Her life is very interesting and very different, but she genuinely seems like a good person who cares about people and stands up for her friends. Ok, now the ladies that bug me. We’ll start with the newbie, Kathryn. She is the epitome of girls who say they don’t have a lot of female friends. There’s a reason for that. And it’s obvious. It’s because you’re not a good friend to girls. She’s just kind of a jerk who talks over people and is totally two-faced (i.e. her total betrayal of Erika’s friendship which she said she wanted). Although I do think (or hope at least) that her new hearing aids will help the talking loud/over people problem. Lisa R is like a whipped puppy that just keeps going back for more. Because she has a weaker personality she is just bounced back and forth between the more assertive women and always complaining about being the whipping boy. Also she is so money and fame obsessed it’s gross. She only like Lisa V because she’s rich and well to do. So, let’s move on to Lisa V. She used to be my absolute favorite, but I think as the years have gone on her ego has just grown and grown and grown. She does still have moments of fun where I see glimpses of the person I liked initially, but she does cause a lot of drama by stirring crap up and saying dumb/rude things to the other women. And then of course not taking accountability for her actions. I don’t actually think she does it because she’s a bad person (or at least I hope note), I think she’s doing it purposefully in order to keep the show interesting. But it still makes me not like her very much. Honestly I don’t know why I don’t like Kyle. Maybe she’s just too much of a floater for me. She does seem very immature, especially when she and Lisa V are together, which I can’t stand. Anyways, their trip to Dubai looked AMAZING! And I love the fish room Eileen stayed in. Definitely my favorite room. 

*Nashville: I have a love/hate relationship with Nashville. I have a hard time watching good people make terrible choices which happens with this show all the time. I love that Deacon and Rayne are finally happy and together, but we all know that won’t last long. And I cannot be the only one getting the lesbian vibe from Maddie’s new friend right? It’s so weird! Plus I hate that the sisters aren’t bffs anymore. Gunner and Scarlett will be back together soon enough which is what we all want. But really I just can’t wait for Juliette to get back. I really did like her and Avery together. And who knows what the freak is about to happen with Layla. Also, I almost feel bad for Luke these days. Sure he was a douche and he and Rayne weren’t right for each other (because, hello, Deacon) but enough is enough. Throw the poor guy a bone here. They just need to come clean with the whole Jeff saga so he can fix things with his son. 

*Empire: I still can’t get over the fact that Andre and Anika are a real life engaged couple. That girl has been with every straight guy in the Lyon family (ok, two were fake, but she still made out with them!). I can’t wait for Cookie and Lucius to take over everything together. And things will not end well for Hakeem and his no-longer-a-virgin gf. I predict she gets knocked up from their first time together. And then que Anika to go crazy on her like she did poor Rhonda. Oh man, I can’t wait for Rhonda to get her memory back of the accident and figure out what happened. I predict Anika will wear those shoes again and that will cause Rhonda’s memory to come back! And then beware Anika!

*Chicago PD: Not too much to say here besides I really like this show. The guys are hot, the story lines are interesting, and the girls don’t act like wusses. But seriously, can we just talk about how hot Atwater & Ruzek are. I’ll take them both. J And of course I love Erin and Jay together. I’m hoping that since their relationship is super low-key that maybe they’ll be able to keep it going longer than most TV relationships last. Fingers crossed.

*Scandal: Ugh, another love/hate show. Everyone is so corrupt. There’s just so much staring at each without dialog. This is one show that is potentially on the verge of being cut from my line-up. Although I will say, I do like all this election stuff. #teamSusan Oh, and I hate that Edison got mixed up with Olivia’s father. And although I liked David and Susan together, I’m going to need him and Red to get back together at some point.

*Grey’s Anatomy: This is another “eh” one here of late. I want to keep liking it, but it’s not easy to. I’m not loving the new guy they brought in for Meredith. I thought after the whole incident with Meredith getting the crap beat out of her they were setting it up for her and Alex to finally be together. Which I am totally for! His relationship with Jo, while I loved it for a long time, has fizzled. He’s way more committed to Meredith than he’ll ever be to Jo. And I hope Pierce and her bf stay together. I really like them as a couple. Stop having another guy freak out because his gf makes more money and has more power in her career than him. I hate Amelia. And Owen for that matter. Other characters I hate include April, Arizona, and Torre’s girlfriend. Boring characters, stupid storylines. Let’s just kill them off already. And April is ruining Jackson’s hotness. She needs to go and he needs to glow. Lol Also, all these characters seem WAY too unstable to be the top of their field surgeons. I’m not buying it.

*Shades of Blue: I LOVE this show. JLO is the bomb! How is she so good at everything while still being Jenny from the block. #neverchange There are some funky twists and turns that you don’t see coming, but it’s all so interesting. And you keep going back and forth about whose side you’re on. Now that I’m thinking about it, I really hope last week wasn’t the season finale. It totally could have been because it was that good and it ended on such an intense note, but I really hope it wasn’t! 

*The Ranch (on Netflix): This show is interesting enough. Let’s be honest, I’m mostly just watching it to see Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson act together again. It’s interesting enough to keep me watching it, but not SO good that I binged watched it in a day like plenty of other shows.  

*That 70’s Show: I just love this show. I fall asleep to it every night (thank you sleep timer). It is just really funny. If you have never watched it, you need to. And if you haven’t watched it in a while you should watch it again. Good stuff! I said good stuff. 

And now I have officially written WAY too much about TV. Lol I am just the coolest person ever. I know it. And now you know it too. :P To be fair, I have cut out a number of shows I used to love to make room for the new ones I added - i.e. Modern Family, Once Upon a Time, The Good Wife, How to Get Away with Murder, Jane the Virgin, and probably a few more that I can’t think of off the top of my head. And all of this without paying for actual TV. Thank you Hulu and Netflix!

*I'd love to hear if you agree with my thoughts on these shows or if there's anything I should add to my line-up! Feel free to comment below. :)

Follow-up to yesterday's post

I just stumbled across a link on Facebook and it goes really well with that I posted yesterday. The article is called "You’re A Total Catch, So Why Aren’t Guys Falling For You?" and you can read it here. I especially like points #1, 2, & 4. Enjoy!

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Trusting the Lord vs. Protecting Ourselves

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

I generally try to keep all my expectations at a very low level – in most aspects of my life. This is something I realized a few years back would be important for me, because I found a pattern of having big hopes/expectations for events or people and being crushed when they didn’t turn out the way I expected. So, instead of being disappointed all the time, I decided to lower or (when possible) eliminate my expectations all together.

And for a long time this has served me well.

That’s not to say I don’t get frustrated or disappointed by people/events, but when you don’t expect much from people to start with it helps to not let that frustration/disappointment ruin your day.
Someone blows off plans you made – that sucks, but I’ll just think of something else fun I can do instead. A text is ignored or a call not return – annoying, but I’ll talk to them at some point in the future. Stuff like that.
Mitigating the disappointment and finding alternate ways to fill my time. That’s been my game plan.
Lately I’ve realized I’ve approached marriage and my future this same way. For a while now I’ve been convincing myself that being single forever wouldn’t be so bad. And, in truth, I do think there are a number of positive aspects of remaining single.
However, for me at least, I realized my motives to doing this were in opposition to were my focus should have been. I was trying to convince myself that a solitary future was what I truly wanted. But, in reality, I was (am) scared. I’m scared of wanting something and not getting it. Of having high expectations that are never met.
Without going into too many details here, I’ve had a number of experiences over the years that pretty clearly indicated the plan for my life includes marriage. Not one time, but multiple occasions.
But here’s where things get tricky...
Because, as we know, the Lord’s promises come with a caveat – “in His time”. I’ve always hated this. Either mean it for now, this mortal life, or specify that you mean in the life to come. I can’t be alone in hating this ever present caveat. Sometimes it makes it feel like “promised” blessings are rigged. At least that’s how I’ve interpreted it at times.
With the timing caveat in tow, the decision I face now is to figure out how I will respond.
Do I continue to try and convince myself single forever is what I want? Or do I trust in the Lord? Do I believe Him when he’s provided answers and support? Do I patiently and faithfully wait for His timing to arrive?
This is a lot tougher of a choice for me than it should be, all because of my expectation lowering position. If I admit that marriage and family is truly what I want, then I have to wait and feel the disappointment as year after year goes by without those desires being realized. However, if I follow my current method and focus on the happy life and future I’ll create on my own do I run the risk of missing out on the promised blessings?
To be honest, I don’t know the answer. But I have learned that Heavenly Father’s plans for my life have always worked out better than the plans I’ve come up with. And in the end I’m always happier with his outcome. Somehow, I have to fight my urge to “not care” and instead choose faith. Choose trust. Choose hope.

Late to the Party

For a while now I’ve been seeing my friends Snapchatting with all these weird filters. I didn’t get it. Like at all.

BUT, this past weekend a friend showed me how to do the filters and now I’m obsessed. Who knew that was all it would take. :P I seriously think they are so funny. So naturally I snapped a bunch of pics of me using the different filters. And since Snaps “disappear forever” within seconds I of course had to save these pics to treasure forever. So without further ado, please enjoy my first ever round of filtered Snapchats.

PS. This was my third post idea from yesterday. I just wanted to spread them out a little bit – as in by one day. And now I’m out of ideas again….

Monday, April 4, 2016

ABCs of Me

Idea #2 of 3....

 A- Age: 29
 B- Biggest fear: Dying alone (this got dark pretty quickly)
 C- Current time: 12:45 pm (CST)
 D- Drink you last had: Dr. Pepper (I typically wait until lunch to have soda, but I needed to reward myself for getting out of bed and going into work.)
 E- Easiest person to talk to: Rachelle Gleason (also myself if that counts without making me crazy)
 F- Favorite song: Home by Blue October (at the moment)
 G- Ghosts, are they real?: Well yes, but not necessarily in a creepy way. (I'd still prefer not to see one though)
 H- Hometown: St. George, Utah
 I- In love with: Um… Netflix?
 J- Jealous of: Stay at home moms
 K- Killed someone?: Potentially with kindness (so probably not)
 L- Last time you cried?: Haha yesterday
 M- Middle name: Lea (but it’s pronounced Lee. My parents struggled with spelling apparently)
 N- Number of siblings: 4
 O- One wish: To not die a virgin (and world peace and a cure for cancer obviously)
 P- Person who you last called: A flower shop in LA that is seriously struggling with an order I placed last week.
 Q- Question you're always asked: Can you spell that? (In regards to my first and/or last name)
 R- Reason(s) to smile: It’s better than crying
 S- Song last sang: A remake of “You Don’t Own Me” that I heard on Pandora this morning while I was getting ready
 T- Time you woke up: First alarm was at 7am.
 U- Underwear color: All white, all day, er’ day.
 V- Vacation destination: Bora Bora
 W- Worst habit: Terrible eating habits
 X- X-Rays you've had: Probably just foot and mouth/teeth. Nothing too crazy.
 Y- Your favorite food: Pepperoni pizza
 Z- Zodiac sign: Aquarius

4 Things

Here is the 1st of the 3 ideas mentioned in my previous post. Stole this from a friend who posted it on Facebook the other day.

Four names I go by:
 1. Genna
 2. G
 3. Ghenna
 4. Mugs

Four things I hate:
 1. Liars
 2. Bugs in my house
 3. Terrible Drivers
 4. Adult Acne (I thought I was supposed to stop getting zits at some point) 

 Four places I have lived:
 1. St. George, UT
 2. Provo, UT
 3. Los Angeles, CA
 4. Dallas, TX
Four things I love to watch:
 1. The Real Housewives (I love them all, but Beverly Hills and Atlanta are my favorites)
 2. Shades of Blue
 3. New Girl
 4. Broad City (New fave, judge away)

 Four places I have been:
 1. Tokyo, Japan
 2. Cancun, Mexico
 3. Luxembourg City, Luxembourg
 4. Nassau, Bahamas

Four favorite drinks (not water):
 1. Dr. Pepper
 2. Dr. Pepper
 3. Dr. Pepper
 4. 1% Milk

Scratch That

Last week was a quiet week here on the blog.

There were a few days last week that I started writing with the intention of posting, only to get near the end and realize I didn't like what I had written enough to post it. Either it was too much of a rant, didn't have enough purpose to subject other people to it, or just didn't turn out to be something I wanted out there.

Hopefully this week will be better.

Currently the only things on my mind are how much I love living alone (It's been about a week and a half since my friend I moved to Texas with moved back to St. George.), opinions on the various tv shows I watch (but I'm not sure I want to admit how many shows I watch on a weekly basis), and how excited I am to be going to St. George at the end of this week. I cannot wait to see and snuggle my babies!!!

So we'll see where, if anywhere, my thoughts lead this week in terms of blog posts.

Sidenote: In my spare time last week I went back and read some of my old posts. It was very entertaining rereading about the different events in my life deemed worthy of a blog post. And actually, as I was writing that, I got an idea for a new post. So, get excited for that.

Second Sidenote: I find it pretty funny that I write as though numerous people are reading this blog and hanging on to my every word. LOL I can think of less than a handful of people who may from time to time end up on this blog (since I don't really advertise it at all). But yeah, delusions always a good thing right? ;)

Third Sidenote: I just thought of ANOTHER blog post. This week is about to get CRAZY! :)