I generally try to keep all my expectations at a very low level – in most aspects of my life. This is something I realized a few years back would be important for me, because I found a pattern of having big hopes/expectations for events or people and being crushed when they didn’t turn out the way I expected. So, instead of being disappointed all the time, I decided to lower or (when possible) eliminate my expectations all together.
And for a long time this has served me well.
That’s not to say I don’t get frustrated or disappointed by people/events, but when you don’t expect much from people to start with it helps to not let that frustration/disappointment ruin your day.
Someone blows off plans you made – that sucks, but I’ll just
think of something else fun I can do instead. A text is ignored or a call not
return – annoying, but I’ll talk to them at some point in the future. Stuff
like that.
Mitigating the disappointment and finding alternate ways to
fill my time. That’s been my game plan.
Lately I’ve realized I’ve approached marriage and my future
this same way. For a while now I’ve been convincing myself that being single
forever wouldn’t be so bad. And, in truth, I do think there are a number of
positive aspects of remaining single.
However, for me at least, I realized my motives to doing
this were in opposition to were my focus should have been. I was trying to
convince myself that a solitary future was what I truly wanted. But, in reality,
I was (am) scared. I’m scared of wanting something and not getting it. Of
having high expectations that are never met.
Without going into too many details here, I’ve had a number
of experiences over the years that pretty clearly indicated the plan for my
life includes marriage. Not one time, but multiple occasions.
But here’s where things get tricky...
Because, as we know, the Lord’s promises come with a caveat –
“in His time”. I’ve always hated this. Either mean it for now, this mortal
life, or specify that you mean in the life to come. I can’t be alone in hating
this ever present caveat. Sometimes it makes it feel like “promised” blessings
are rigged. At least that’s how I’ve interpreted it at times.
With the timing caveat in tow, the decision I face now is to
figure out how I will respond.
Do I continue to try and convince myself single forever is
what I want? Or do I trust in the Lord? Do I believe Him when he’s provided answers
and support? Do I patiently and faithfully wait for His timing to arrive?
This is a lot tougher of a choice for me than it should be,
all because of my expectation lowering position. If I admit that marriage and
family is truly what I want, then I have to wait and feel the disappointment as
year after year goes by without those desires being realized. However, if I
follow my current method and focus on the happy life and future I’ll create on
my own do I run the risk of missing out on the promised blessings?
To be honest, I don’t know the answer. But I have learned
that Heavenly Father’s plans for my life have always worked out better than the
plans I’ve come up with. And in the end I’m always happier with his outcome.
Somehow, I have to fight my urge to “not care” and instead choose faith. Choose
trust. Choose hope.
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