Tough Decisions

Today I made a really tough decision. Which also means I've spent a good chunk of the day crying. And now my eyes hurt.... 

For probably the last month or so I've been debating back and forth on whether or not I should find a new home for Lola. On the one hand, she really is a great dog. (If you have been following me on Instagram lately you may have a different opinion, but really overall she's great.) She's totally potty-trained - it's been months since she had any accidents in the house. She comes when called, is kenneled trained, knows some tricks, is great with kids, loves other people and other dogs, and is so full of love it can get overwhelming at times. She loves laying on the tramp and sitting in the front seat of the car with her head out the window. She loves staring out the front window, even if there's nothing going on outside. And more than anything she loves to cuddle and give kisses. 

With all that being said, we've had our fair share of struggles. As my Instagram followers know, in the past week she has chewed up my couch and my porch swing. Prior to that, she brought about the destruction of my trampoline pad, backyard drip-lines, sprinklers, porch swing pillows, ping-pong balls, door frames, and the overall appearance of my backyard. Is that reason alone to find her a new home? No. Is it extremely annoying? Absolutely. Does it completely piss me off? You betcha. But again, she is a 9th month old puppy. And puppies chew and puppies destroy things. I knew that going into this situation. 

What I didn't anticipate is how little free time I have at home. 

All day during the week I'm at work. Which means she's sitting in her kennel. After work I come home and play with her for a bit, but let's say I go to dinner. There goes another two hours of my night. Oh, I need to run by a store.... It's someone's birthday and I need to get a present tonight... I want to go to a movie... That all adds up to more time Lola spends alone in her kennel. And the remaining hours I am home, I'm sleeping. 

So now we come to the weekend. 

If you know me, you know I live for either Saturday pool days or weekend vacations. Again, both of these are more time away from my house and more time away from Lola. 

She deserves more. 

She deserves a family who can be home with her during the day. Who has the time to teach her now, during the puppy stage, to be good and not eat the furniture. She needs a family who can help wear out more of her puppy energy. She needs more people around to love. 

Last weekend I had 5 of my nieces and nephews over to my house. Lola loved every minute of it. She was bouncing around from kid to kid with such excitement. And she was even gentle when Savvi pulled on her face and ears. That's what she needs. A family. People she can grow up with and love and protect. 

Will I one day have a family like the one I hope for for Lola. I hope so. But I don't now. And I don't know when that time will come. 

So, it was with a lot of sadness, but confidence that I have made the right decision, that I wrote to the animal rescue I got Lola from today and expressed my feelings about needing to find her a new and better home. I worried I would regret my decision when I got home and saw her face. And while it wasn't easy looking at my cute little puppy knowing she wouldn't be my cute little puppy for much longer I continued to feel peace about my decision - despite the 30 minutes of sobbing. 

So until I hear back from the rescue (who's policy is that you contact them if you plan to find a new home for your pet) I've decided to spend my remaining time with Lola having fun and not being angry about the couch or swing. As I sit here at the dog park writing this post I look forward to snuggling my pup later tonight and as much as I can until she finds her new home. 

My Zen

Although I definitely wouldn't call myself an "outdoors" kind of person, one of my absolute favorite things to do is lay on my tramp and just look up at the night sky. It is so peaceful and relaxing. I love that my neighborhood is quiet and I can just lay here and think (or not think) without background noise (aka Netflix/hulu/pandora) and unwind from a long week at work. Hands down it's one of my favorite things about being back in SG. 

If only...

Tonight while at the dog park with Lola a Little Caesars truck drove by and I thought to myself, "Man, could you image if I married someone that owned a Little Caesars?! I'd get to have free pizza every day and never have to cook dinner!" 

Sure I might end up weighing 500 pounds, but free pizza and no dinner dishes.... Sign me up!

Pizza! Pizza!

#singleinsaintgeorge

I'm really thing of starting (or more regularly using) that hashtag.

In related news... I've decided to start a new blog called Every Pot Has A Lid. I'll still write on this one about of my day to day stuff, fun trips I've taken, and whatever else I feel like, but you (assuming people are still reading this blog) can check it out and see if that one interests you at all. I will try to write more regularly on both blogs, although let's be honest, I can't promise you anything. Time for bed... I'm going to be tired at work tomorrow.

Docusession - It's a real disease

I'm just going to start this post as though I haven't been MIA from the blog world in over 4 months, with one quick exception... My Dad is doing well. After a few weeks in the hospital and surgery he is recovering from the scary heart issue from New Year's Eve. Now, on to the new stuff.

Lately I've become obsessed with watching documentaries on Netflix. I can't stop myself! I'm documentary obsessed, or you may even say I'm suffering from ducusession (see what I did there?!). It's late - get over it. Anyways, here is a list of my recent (and not so recent) favorites.

• Stuck
• The Woman Who Wasn't There
• China's Lost Girls
• It's a Girl
• Blackfish
• The Cove
• Confessions: Animal Hoarding
• I'm Alive

Start watching immediately! :)

We've Got a Pulse

The last few days I've been thinking a lot about my life. Mostly because I've been a little concerned that I've lost my "zeal" for life. Not talking about depression or anything, but just kind of going through the motions of life without truly enjoying it or making the most out of my days. I find myself spending way too many nights and weekends hanging out at my house alone instead of pushing myself to be social and develop genuine friendships.

It's been almost two years now since I moved back to St. George and although a lot of really amazing things have happened to me since moving back to my hometown (lots of family time, buying my first home, adopting my 2 cats and puppy - just to name a few) I still find myself questioning that decision. To be honest, I miss my life in LA a lot more that I thought I would. Let me clarify that last statement. I miss my friends so much!! Even when my work schedule was horrible I had such good friends out there to help me deal with all the craziness. I miss being surrounded by other young professionals. I didn't realize how much of an impact that had on my life until I moved away from it. I miss feeling like there were so many possibilities ahead of me. I miss adults that realize people my age aren't actually children that need to be chaperoned/micro-managed. I miss meeting good guys I actually find attractive. I miss people who know what CPA means and what it takes to get it.

Don't get me wrong, it's easy to focus on all the positive sides of LA when I compare my life then and now. And I realize how lucky I am to have found what really is my dream job so early in my career. I think it's just the fact that so much of my life is already laid out for me at such a young age. Maybe it's just boredom. Maybe I just need to make big life changes every two years. Maybe the terrible fever I had yesterday messed with my head. Who knows. Those are just some of the thoughts that have been running through my head the last couple of days.

*  *  *

I did get some reassurance that I made the right decision to move back to St. George earlier today. This afternoon I listened to a voicemail telling me my Dad had a heart attack at work and was taken in an ambulance to the ER. Anyone who knows me well will know that my instant reaction was to start sobbing before the message was even over. Needless to say it's been a LONG day. After spending hours in the ER having so many tests run we didn't really learn anything except the fact that we know nothing. Sound confusing? Well basically after looking at all the test results the doctor wasn't sure what caused today's event or even if it really was a heart attack. What we do know is that when he went down (as he was getting back to work after his lunch break) he had no pulse for 10 minutes while his coworkers did CPR to try to revive him. Thankfully after those 10 minutes, they were able to get a pulse right as the ambulance was getting there. So, something happened.... we just have no idea what. After all the tests in the ER he was admitted to the hospital where they're talking about keeping him for a week or so to run a bunch more tests and try to figure out what's going on with him and how to prevent this from happening again. The only other thing we really know is that during CPR they broke a few of his ribs, but all the doctors said that if they were doing CPR correctly that was bound to happen. I mean, he is a pretty big guy so I'm sure giving him CPR was no easy task. It's crazy though, because if you saw him you would never think he was essentially dead for 10 minutes today. He looks too good.

Needless to say, although it wasn't the way I was expecting 2013 to end, I'm just really grateful my Dad is still here. It's a lot easier to heal a few broken ribs than the alternative. I'm grateful to live here and be able to be there when stuff like this happens. Being close to family was a big reason I wanted to move back to St. George and in an extreme way today was a reminder of that.

Here's to hoping 2014 turns out be be a year of health and happiness for me and my family. HAPPY NEW YEAR!