Infinite Atonement

We know that on some level Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything-absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually.

That means Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer-how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student-body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked, and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism.

There is nothing you have experienced as a woman that he does not also know and recognize. On a profound level, he understands about pregnancy and giving birth. He knows about PMS and cramps and menopause. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion.

His last recorded words to his disciples were, "And lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world," [Matthew 28:20] What does that mean? It means he understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down's syndrome. He knows your mother-rage when a trusted babysitter sexually abuses your two-year-old, when someone gives your thirteen-year-old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen-year-old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children who ever come are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower that all that.

Chieko Okazaki, Lighten Up, 174-175

Reunited and it feels so good

So today was my first time reuniting with my friend Cameron Nelson from freshman year. Back then we met one long and awesome night where there was talk about buying land to build an really tall and slim building on, playing Frisbee in the street between DT and the Conference Center, past-midnight 7-11 run, and then a mass sleepover on our friend's grandmother's back yard.

Although our friendship usually consists of slurpies, we decided to venture out today and along with my friend Meaghan Reese we went to Los Hermanos for dinner and then, after dropping Meaghan off, Cameron and I played around with my longboard while we took a little walk around where I live.

I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous at first to hang out with him again. What if hanging out now wouldn't be as fun as it was back then? What if we had nothing to say to each other? I know that it's stupid to be nervous reuniting with an old friend, but I was. Luckily, with the exception of a few silent pauses that weren't super awkward (at least that's what I thought) we had a pretty fun time, at least I did. Catching up was fun, and it's good to know our friendship can survive without a slurpie being involved.

Can boys and girls really just be friends?

Some of you who know me know that I love the series Sex and the City (TBS version, not the HBO one, and trust me there's a huge difference) Anways sometimes when I start writing on my blog I feel like Carrie Bradshaw writing an article. If only I could have her shoes and clothes, ok her entire closet!

Anyways as I was laying out at the pool today I was thinking about the whole guy/girl dynamic and wondering if it is really possible for guys and girls to remain really good friends for an extended period of time without things becoming complicated or weird. Let me explain...

Depending on if you are in a relationship with someone or are merely friends responses to situations should differ, but what happens when that line between friendship and relationship blurs. If people are imitating one does that conflict with what they really are. Here's an example:

How do - or should - you react if you've talked to this person everyday for a while and then all of the sudden they aren't contacting you as they were:

• Relationship - You start questioning if this is the beginning of the end and if you want to fight for it call and try to figure things out, hold out and play the ever so annoying games and hope they call you, or just let it fade out and look for something new.
• Friendship - Realize that since you are just friends you don't owe each other contact on a consistent basis, regular hopefully, but consistent is not required for friends. And if you are just friends then if you want to hang out with them, it's simple.... call them yourself.

There are so many other situations where reactions vary and yet somehow people - me especially - seem to always find myself confused about the situations I find myself in.

Usually my philosophy when it comes to guy/girl relationships is simple, who cares. Eventually most guy/girl friendships will end or fade considerably as either one or both get married. So why do we spend so much time worry about these kinds of topics? maybe just to keep us entertained until something real starts happening. Whatever the case, it does make for so interesting introspective.

This Side Of Married

That is the title of a book I've borrowed from the Provo Library. At first glance, it looks like it is going to be about newlyweds and how that life is different than the single life, but it's not. It follows the life of a family with three girls who all end up in different paths in life regarding relationships. The weird part is, the daughter that actually marries seems to be the most unhappy of the three girls. So, is this book a warning for me to be even more terrified of marriage than I already am, or maybe I just need to finish reading it to really find out the meaning - what a concept, I know.

For being pretty much a typical Mormon girl, it might seem strange that I'm terrified of marriage, but let me explain. How do you know the other person enough to trust them with the rest of your life. People are liars - if not on purpose, then unknowingly. It seems like we are always presenting a fraction of who we really are and then expecting or hoping and dreaming of finding the person who loves us for who we really are. Well, how are they supposed to love us for who we really are if we only show them the parts of us that we think they'll like?

Maybe it's too late to be going into this kind of a subject, but all I know is that I look at the guys I know right now and just feel like I'm never gonna find the guy who will really love me for me. Someone who will love me for all my weird and dumb quirks, my crazy driving to my obsession with the pool, staying up ridiculously late to hating to try new foods. I'm sure he's out there somewhere, but the longer I'm in Provo the more I feel that he is not here. Now watch me meet someone here and have to eat all of my words, but when it's right it's right, I guess. But the whole Provo relationship/dating scene is weird on it's own without any involvement from me.

Now I definitely know it's time for bed. Look out for more rants in the future.

time for a change

So after stalking a couple other people's blogs I decided it was time to change mine up a bit. Who knows how long this change will last, but it should be fun for the next little bit.

Here's my question though... how do people have enough to write about when they update their blogs everyday. My days are all basically the same:

• Wake up between 10 & 12 depending on if I work in the morning or at night
• Go to work
• Check Facebook, maybe search for new music
  
• Go to the pool (this is usually done at least once if not twice a day!)
• Watch some TV (Jon & Kate plus 8 is my favorite!!!)
• Go to bed between 1 & 3
• Start over the next day

I could write about work, the tables I serve that day or how good or bad my tips were, or how annoying (or helpful, if I get really really lucky) the back people were that day, but after the first sentence no one would want to read any more. But let me just say this, I really am the bomb server. My tables love me, and I try to always put things in the computer so that my tables pay the least amount for their food while still charging them for everything. Oh, and the secret to getting good tips... to-go drinks. People love it when you take them a to-go cup without them asking for it! Then they pay and leave happy, a plus for the server. And one last server note, if your server ever adds gratuity to your bill, tip on top! Even if it's just a little bit extra it really makes your server happy! Enough of that, hopefully you weren't too bored and are still reading.

What else is there to talk about, the pool? There's water, some hot some cold. I have developed a swimsuit addiction this summer. Last summer I had 2 swimsuits, the most I'd ever had at a time, until this summer. Within the last month I've bought 8 swimsuits! A little extreme I know, but they were all on sale for pretty cheap, and with how often I go to the pool/ hot tub they wear out really fast. So I don't feel guilty about that!

I do have an office quote-a-day calendar which I love starting my day with. Sometimes I want to post on here that day's quote, but my favorite ones are ones that I don't know if I want everyone who sees my blog to see them. Whatever, I love the office and Jim and Pam of course, who by the way, her real name is Jenna (Pam's is). I know it's spelled different, but whatever, it's pronounced the same, so if we were in the same room and someone said our name we'd both respond, that's be sweet!

Anyways, that enough of an update for now. Maybe there'll be something to add tomorrow....

All this for a parade?

I just do not understand Provo's fascination with the parade. Maybe it's because I was in so many growing up for dance and cheer, but seriously people! The entire city of Provo and Orem come to University Avenue (which just happens to be the street that I live on) and camp out, over night...... for a parade!! Call me crazy, but that's a little extreme. Plus it is the longest parade! I tried watching it this year and after an hour gave up. It's awesome that people spend their time being in them, but I guess after having to be in a parade so many times myself they have just lost their magic and I just get bored and hot and tired!

Anyways, Happy Fourth of July! Go America!