This Side Of Married

That is the title of a book I've borrowed from the Provo Library. At first glance, it looks like it is going to be about newlyweds and how that life is different than the single life, but it's not. It follows the life of a family with three girls who all end up in different paths in life regarding relationships. The weird part is, the daughter that actually marries seems to be the most unhappy of the three girls. So, is this book a warning for me to be even more terrified of marriage than I already am, or maybe I just need to finish reading it to really find out the meaning - what a concept, I know.

For being pretty much a typical Mormon girl, it might seem strange that I'm terrified of marriage, but let me explain. How do you know the other person enough to trust them with the rest of your life. People are liars - if not on purpose, then unknowingly. It seems like we are always presenting a fraction of who we really are and then expecting or hoping and dreaming of finding the person who loves us for who we really are. Well, how are they supposed to love us for who we really are if we only show them the parts of us that we think they'll like?

Maybe it's too late to be going into this kind of a subject, but all I know is that I look at the guys I know right now and just feel like I'm never gonna find the guy who will really love me for me. Someone who will love me for all my weird and dumb quirks, my crazy driving to my obsession with the pool, staying up ridiculously late to hating to try new foods. I'm sure he's out there somewhere, but the longer I'm in Provo the more I feel that he is not here. Now watch me meet someone here and have to eat all of my words, but when it's right it's right, I guess. But the whole Provo relationship/dating scene is weird on it's own without any involvement from me.

Now I definitely know it's time for bed. Look out for more rants in the future.