In all reality I didn’t really even give an answer.
Because to be fair I have the reasons I’ve rattled off before (no hot/strong
drinks – but then there are exceptions, avoid addictive substances – it can be
argued soda is also addictive, etc.) but for me I just don’t think about it
that hard. I’ve come to terms with the fact there are multiple practices or
policies in the Mormon Church that I don’t fully understand. Sometimes I wonder
if those things could ever lead me away from membership in the Church. And if
you know me well, I’d guess you’re surprised to know I have thoughts like that.
But I do. And I think it’s normal. And I think it’s healthy.
But here is the clincher… I don’t stay down that path of
doubt for long.
It’s hard not to get caught up thinking about things like
the particulars of the Word of Wisdom specially coffee and tea (because I do
think avoiding alcohol and drugs makes complete sense), the practice of
polygamy, how we live forever in eternity, and other similar big-scale issues.
And try as I might some of those things just don’t make any sense to me.
But here is what I DO know.
I know that I have a Heavenly Father. I know that He
loves and cares about me. And I also know He loves and cares for all of His
children. With our limited viewpoint it’s hard to understand how He can love us
all equally when we are given such different opportunities and circumstances in
this life, but I know that in His infinite fairness it will all be equaled out
in the end.
I know that Heavenly Father answers my prayers. Not all
of them. And not right away. But He does hear and answer when He can. I think
sometimes I’m not ready for the answer. Or sometimes it may depend on another
person’s agency and therefore He can’t give me the answer I’m looking for. But
He has answered enough of my prayers and provided comfort in the moments I’ve
needed it most to know that He hears and tries to help me.
I know that the organization of the Church is an inspired
thing. As a Type A personality I love the organizational structure of the
Church. It totally falls in line with the fact that our Father in Heaven is a
God of order. Sometimes we muddy up the structure a bit, but the overall design
and implementation is amazing. I give a large amount of credit for the person
I’ve become to the organization of the Church and the fact that it is run by
the members in the wards and branches. It pushed me out of my shell and taught
me how to be a leader. It has taught (and will continue to teach me) how to
work in difficult situations and with different personality types. It helped me
improve my public speaking skills by giving me the opportunity at a young age
to get up in front of people and speak – either off the cuff by bearing my
testimony or as a written talk. As I got older and realized how unique an
experience that is for young kids my testimony was strengthened even more in
the power of the Church to improve all aspects of our lives, not just our
spiritual nature.
I know that I feel the spirit when I read my scriptures
regularly. As an adult this habit has been really hard for me to maintain. But
this year I’ve really tried to rededicate myself to do this and I have received
more answers to questions or thoughts I’ve had than ever before. So many times
it’s a thought that comes to mind or a phrase in a passage that sticks out in
ways it never did before. I’m amazed at how unrelated passages in the scripture
can provide answers to questions I’d been thinking about and typically when I’m
least expecting it.
I know Priesthood Blessing are real. Again, it always
comes back to God’s timing which in a lot of ways seems like an unfair caveat
to always throw in there, but it’s true. I had an experience a few years back
where I received a blessing that left all of us in the room expecting a fairly
immediate answer. Months went by and that blessing wasn’t coming to fruition. I
started to doubt. And I expressed my doubt one night to my sister. The very
next day I received another and completely unrelated blessing by a new
Bishopric member who knew nothing of the previous blessing or conversation I’d
had the night before. However in his blessing he used the exact same wording I
had used the night before when talking about the situation. It was a reminder
to me that Heavenly Father remembers and will keep his promises when the time
is right. I’ve also recently been thinking a lot about my Patriarchal Blessing.
I reread it recently and I love how it can apply to different parts of our
lives at different times. Mine is full of little reminders for me that I
constantly need.
I know that I benefit from going to church each week.
That’s not to say that every week I take away something great from church, but
by the simple fact I got myself there and at least put myself where I’m
supposed to be I am at least benefiting from obedience.
Most of the things I listed above can be found or lived
even if I attended another church. So what keeps me Mormon? It’s the things I listed
above and so many key doctrines found only in the Mormon church – continuing revelation
through a living Prophet and Apostles just like in the days of Jesus Christ,
eternal families & marriages, the innocence of little children and the fact
they aren’t born damned until baptized, the ability to truly repent and gain
forgiveness of our sins through the atonement of Jesus Christ, the blessings
and spirit found in the temple and the fact we can do the work for those who
have passed away so that all are given the opportunity to share in those
blessings, and so many others.
So days when I get hung up on how to answer why it’s okay
for me to drink soda but not coffee and tea don’t really matter to me. Those
aren’t the things that make or break my testimony. Those are the habits I’ve
developed because of my testimony. One
of my new favorite scriptures sums it up perfectly…
“O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee
forever.” – 2 Nephi 4:34
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