35 Seconds

Last night I went to dinner with a good friend and in the course of our conversation the topic of dating came up. While I have not had great luck in dating (or even much experience with it) I try to maintain a positive outlook. I try to remind myself that all it takes is one time of working out. It doesn’t matter how many times it doesn’t work or go the way I had hoped, it just needs to work out once.

But what if that “once” opportunity doesn’t come around?

My friend said something that really stuck out to me. Her experiences have led her to believe and feel like this scenario has to be true. It’s the 35 second rule. Which can most simply be described as it takes a guy 35 seconds from the time they meet a girl to decide whether or not they will be interested in her. And once that 35 seconds is up, their opinion does not change. They may become best friends with the girl, but they will not pursue or want a romantic relationship with her. My friend has had multiple conversation with different guys in her life that have confirmed this “fact” for her.

I have to choose not to believe this though.

 

And maybe I’m being delusion to make myself feel better that one day someone will look past my physical shortcomings and see the great person I truly am. But in all honesty I don’t feel like it’s a delusion at all. To be fair, I do think the 35 second rule may apply to a larger number of men than I would like to believe, BUT I do not believe it applies to all of them. I had a guy friend in college who was not into a girl who had a huge crush on him. However, after months of friendship, they briefly dated. They didn’t date for very long before breaking up and I was even told he had made some pretty harsh statements about not being into her physically (which I do not condone in any way, but it ties back to this 35 second concept). For a period of time it seemed like the 35 second rule applied here even when they tried to force their way around it. But, flash forward to today and these two are happily married (to each other) and have a cute, happy, and loving little family. And I feel like it is worth noting that her physical appearance did not change much over the years. So although it may have slowed things down for this couple, the 35 second rule did not win out in this case.

Now I can’t condemn anyone for making an initial judgment on someone based on their looks. I am just as guilty of doing this as the next person. However I think the real detriment is not taking the time to get to know that person better and allowing ourselves the opportunity to change that initial decision. Some of my best friends throughout the years have been people I did not initially think I would get along with very well. And some of my favorite guy friends (that I kick myself for not trying harder to date) are guys I did not find attractive initially.

As I sit here trying to think of how to wrap up this post, the Missy Elliot song “One Minute Man” just popped into my head and on repeat is….

 

Break me off, show me what you got

Cause I don't want, no one minute man

And although the reference is pretty different, the sentiment is similar….

Take some time, find out who I am

Cause I don’t want, no 35 second man