My maternal grandmother died right after my parents starting
dating. My maternal grandfather died the month after I was born. My paternal
grandfather died when I was 4. And my paternal grandmother died when I was 15. I’d
experienced death.
But losing my dad in 2014 was something else entirely.
It wasn’t just losing someone I had sporadic interaction
with. It was losing a key player in my life. Someone who was supposed to be an integral
part of events still to come. And it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt
with.
Back in college, when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer,
I had a few friends who had lost their fathers by that point. I relied on those
friends so much during that time. Whenever I had questions or fears I talked to
them. I pulled from their strength.
And then I became a member of that awful club. The dead dad
club.
I learned very quickly that one thing you gain by becoming a
member of this club is a level of empathy that you can’t gain any other way. And
while everyone experiences and deals with death and grief differently, there is
a level of commonality I’ve noted between those affected with the death of a
key player. Whether it’s similarities between things that happened in those
final days, how you’ve felt immediately after versus once a few months have
passed, or how it still continues to impact you as the years pass by. We know. We’ve
lived and continue to live it.
Last night I learned that a friend I’ve known since high school
passed away yesterday. I am just stunned by this news. And I am having a really
hard time understanding why. I know life isn’t fair, but this situation seems
extra unfair. She was the nicest person. And that’s not an in memoriam blanket
statement. She was genuinely one of the nicest people you could meet. In high
school she was actually a friend of one of my close friends, but when I moved
back to St. George in 2012 we lived in the same complex and because of that
mutual friend, her and I developed a friendship that I will always be grateful
for. I was worried about being back in St. George and not having friends, and
here came Mallory and squashed all those worries. She recently celebrated her
one year wedding anniversary with a guy that, although I never met him I knew,
she loved more than anything. She was so happy with him. And just within the
last 3 weeks she gave birth to their first child – a beautiful little girl. So
why her? Why this girl who waited so long to find love, had finally found it,
was just starting her family? It’s just so upsetting. And having a slight idea
of what her family is dealing with right now my heart breaks for them. Her poor
husband, left to raise their little girl without her mom. Her family, including
a twin brother, left to try and pick up the pieces.
It’s at times like this my faith is truly tested. I do
believe in a loving God, but I struggle when things like this happen. I try to
understand that one day we will look back on the struggles of this life and
think they weren’t that big of a deal (similar to how as adults we laugh at the
“struggles” of childhood). But for now, my heart is sadden by the loss of this
amazing person and for the loved ones left behind.
#miraclesforMal
No comments:
Post a Comment